The Cultural Object Roundup

The Cultural Object Roundup has long been dedicated to perfecting human knowledge by reviewing and rating everything in existence.  However, after google searches both numerous and exhaustive, we at The Roundup have determined that not a single critic in the MSM or blogosphere has yet to review us. As it is our mission to endeavor that no gap remains in human knowledge and thereby do no less than ensure that the contributions of all Christendom shine like an unsquelched beacon through the miasmic darkness of practical limitations, we hereby endeavor to review ourself:

The Cultural Object Roundup

How does a reviewer describe The Cultural Object Roundup? The Roundup certainly loves the sound of its own voice. Its commitment to focus has long led the Roundup to be a staunch supporter of the liberal plot for the promulgation Gay Marriage, under the assumption that if men are allowed to marry men, then the slippery slope will grant men the ability to marry anything, such as animals, objects and the sound of his own voice. Once a man can marry the sound of his own voice, then we are a mere constitutional amendment away from a concept being able to marry a turn of phrase, thereby entitling it to a lucrative tax deduction.

These salutary traits, unfortunately, are secondary; its stated mission is to endeavor, and thereby ensure. It does this through a unique combination of reviews of things that exist and previews of things that do not exist yet. Its goals are lofty and its methods eminently pragmatic. Certainly human knowledge is limited, even in the face of numerous successful PhD theses.  Consequently, it would seem that engaging untouched topics with the review--the most efficient of critical tools--would be the shortest route to universal human enlightenment. However, the success of this project is limited. After a lengthy perusal of its archives, this reviewer was unable to find anything on such mundane topics as calligraphy or the blogosphere.

The Roundup is, sadly, yet another noble failure. At its core is a fascinating project, but the rare flashes of endeavoring do not outbalance the the ostentatious lack of legal permanent residence. The Roundup would have been much better served by nervously hiding in the shadows, and working for sub minimum wage until, metaphorically speaking, an amnesty is offered in the form of our next review. When that happens we at the Roundup will be very interested indeed to see if the Roundup can overcome this incomplete completeness in its next endeavor. If it is, then our readership is ensured.

Qualitative Quantification: Perspicacity